I’m not crazy . . OK, I am crazy; today, though, I’m a little less so.
I have urges to write here. I want to write something profound and meaningful. Often times I fantasize topics like: similarities between traditional religion and art, my metaphor for art and a 15 year marriage, opinions about society, life, philosophy; you know, profound things. Who knows, maybe I can toss in an essay or two about applicable universal life experiences.
Somehow, though, somehow this here blog serves to embarrass more than embellish. This here blog is supposed to be a tool, it is supposed to help me build an audience, remind me to make art, keep me connected to a public, keep me focused on the prize. What seems to happen writing here daily about myself becomes an exercise in narcissism. I neglect aspects of myself that need tending to and, when I do, I become something inhumane. I become this sad person thrashing about as I attempt to cope.
Then this blog twists to entertain imagined slights, where I bemoan my station rather than enhance it. I learn that there is such a thing as sharing too much. I also learn that I need to attend to my basic humanity before I can attempt to do grander things with it. When I say “humanity” I’m talking about basic human needs kinda stuff: air, food, water, companionship, meaning. Neglect a one, or a few and, well, like I said, inhumane.
It’s been a month or two since last I wrote here. In that time I’ve attended to my “humanity” and to what I was missing. I started up school which I enjoy, I found a little lady who I also enjoy, I am vastly busier than I was, I’m far more comfortable with myself and my place in the universe.
Please understand that if I do step away from writing here, it’s not to abandon or flake out. It’s to recharge, refocus, and maybe reorient myself and my priorities.
I can’t say how often I’ll write here or what the topics will focus on. I will say that I miss coming here. I like that writing feels a little more natural when I have a reason to do it. It’s nice to cope with the world in this medium, maybe even with writing a little better each time as a perk.