A Few Thoughts
Ambitions mixed with impatience are trodding through my morning addled mind. “I wanna make art and be famous NOW.” These thoughts I need to resist. They turn on me. Ambition is good, I would like to foster this trait. The impatience part of the equation, that one can poison any thought process. Feeling frustrated and ignored has resulted in the past. If it’s all the same to you, I would just as soon remove myself from the self made drama. The plan is to just keep doing what I’m doing. Keep painting, keep drawing, blogging, showing. None of it happens overnight and none of it happens without hard work. If it is gonna happen, it will take time and a healthy work ethic. I can’t count how many times I’ve gone through this process and gotten it wrong. Hence my respect and appreciation now.
Grammy and I leave tomorrow early in the morning. I will be double checking that everything is tidy and packed later this morning and later tonight. I am ready to go. I am ready to take some space from work. This is not a “down-on-work” cynical whine; more a “I-want-to-recharge” sentiment. I enjoy that work helps me stay motivated to work harder in other aspects of my life, I will keep it.
I also look forward to spending a little time away form the computer. I didn’t get any fancy gadgets to keep me entertained on the trip. All drawing in sketchbooks and writing in notebooks. I have a personal theory that I spend too much time on the computer. Considering all my free time is spent on here surfing, playing, or drawing; it’s not too far from the truth. My mistake is in thinking how detrimental it is. It’s not. This is my system set up to help me either art or recover. That ain’t so bad.
I have an urge to write another paragraph here though I have idea what to write on. Well, I do actually, but it is of a personal nature. Skirting that issue, I’ll talk about what I imagine this blog is.
Out of respect for those close to me, I try hard to keep this blog a one man show. I have the utmost confidence that I am boring, which makes me safe and family friendly. In this play I call my life, I try not to get too informative when I refer to the cast of characters. Again, this is out of respect for them. Where it’s almost a necessity I put myself out there and keep myself out there, it violates my moral compass to imagine dragging them into the public eye. I write this blog to keep myself on track; I keep it public so people can find me. This is not a reality show. I won’t exploit those close to me for personal gain.
Have safe travels. This song came to mind today… (of course it lives there sometimes..lol).. Thought I would share..
Lyrics first then video.. haha
I built this house but it fell down before I got one night of sleep So how does that beat all the fools who never tried They missed the moon in rented rooms, traded stories over food I worked alone, broke my bones with all my pride (hang on G) I desired royal attire, so I acquired the emperor’s skin held a parade & begged the world to look inside I wanted fame, ’cause I thought fame could prove to me that I was great it never came; I was a failure to myself It’s the way of the world to swallow you alive The way of the world to swallow you alive // spirit first. It’s been so long singing songs I couldn’t possibly still mean i guess they’re lies if they’ve lost the truth they had and it’s so hard to get well, writing postcards home from Hell I’d rather pack; I’d rather leave this all/ It’s the way of the world to swallow you alive the way of the world to swallow you alive // spirit first Whoa, Whoa, I give up Whoa, Whoa, I give up Ooo – ooooh // I give up. You get one life, and I spend mine chasing highways made of ghosts now I don’t know the way home from where I stand And I believed I was free, til I forgot what I believed now I don’t even need chains to hold me down.
It is called Spirit First by Levi Weaver. So raw and honest. You will like it. (maybe)