Blazing Blazee
Work has been much much faster. Since the injury though, my personal work has been much much slower. I’m still capable of contributing to the unit, but in much less of a capacity than what I’m used to. For those unknowing, my left shoulder was violently yanked at work. I tried to catch a patient who passed out. Most likely a strain. Lotsa pain limited range of motion.
So today is the last day of this weeks work week. My “Friday” as we call it, despit it being Tuesday. As i write this my assignment is to stare at a sleeping man for the next eight hours. My job is to keep him from hurting himself. With some 95% certainty, this man will sleep through the entirety on my shift.
Job well done.
The challenge now is to channel the abundance of free time into responsible things. Like writing and prepping these blog posts, doing some exercise drawings, and, my favorite, hammering out prototype characters for the second book. So far so good
Im not sure if I mentioned it earlier, but im starting a second book this year. One aimed at a much younger audience. Its a happier less serious project than the one I’m grunding out. It gives me a reprieve from the overt focusing and refining of the main project. I betcha the light heartedness will bleed through. I’m excited! And excited to share!
The week ends prove a spicy challenge to me. Shit loads of work towards a never ending goal. The personal challenge is to not shrink from the work with booze and games. Instead Im cooking up ways to stay responsible and focused. Im positive I will share those experiences here as they happen.
Feeling optimistic and hopeful!
Take care of yourself. As for the work.. that is what David does for work when he has clients. Usually they are close to hospice soo… His only client right now is an overnight once a week..lol He goes, they catch up, they sleep and they get up and he leaves. AND he gets paid over time for it.. As for injuries. I HATE it when my shoulders and neck, ok and my lower back as well… are all wonkey. I call my chiropractor immediately. David is also a MT so that helps sometimes too.
What motivates you? what reward do you get when you stay on task? I hear that is a thing us adults can do..haha
Dave’s got a good job. I know a couple gals who do hospice care and they like that sense that what they do matters. Same with him?
As to the injuries, getting old is a bitch. Life starts taking things away so you better be on your game about keeping whats important to you.
Which segues into “What is important to me? What is my motivation?” I sweat this question a lot. Evidently, I am in love with my independence and autonomy. And I have to remember how expensive those luxuries are. Those goals come with the hefty price of having to do everything myself. And I am a very finite being… it’d be a good idea to recognize this more often when I’m being too hard on myself.
David works for a place called Visiting Angels and he really does enjoy it most of the time. He is comfortable with helping people pass etc. It is inconsistent which is frustrating but we make do. LOL He will pick up odd jobs when his hours are wonky.
People used to say it’s all down hill after 40.. I thought they were full of shit..HAHA I was wrong. I swear once I turned 40 my body just decided to not like me all the time. I can no longer do things the way I used to do them. I have to be careful.
Importance..I too want to be self sufficient and left the fuck alone…HAHA unfortunately that isn’t the world we live in AND not how we were created. David dreams of building a community where everyone is symbiotic, if you will. We do function much better when we have community to help out and lean on. I honestly don’t know what that looks like. The church was supposed to be that, it certainly isn’t. Farthest thing from it. Not my scene anymore anyway but…..Leaning on someone else takes vulnerability and trust. 2 things that don’t generally come naturally to most of us.
Escapism.. the booze and games.. What are you escaping really? you enjoy the work when you do it. preaching to myself here as well, btw, I haven’t quite figured out what I “numb”. I just freaking enjoy a good Porter. it’s the best part of my day. HAHA and I am comfortable with life. Of course, as Taurus with Capricorn moon, I am very grounded, mellow earth energy. I am quite comfortable with the here and now. Goals, dreams, play are really hard for me. Because I live in “it is what it is”…lol
I ruminate on this quite a bit. What I’m “numbing” or escaping is probably and essentially boredom and loneliness. Both of which I’m not sure I can help. Like your porter, theres only a select few things I really enjoy. I love the artwork, but to stay competitive I have to do so much that joy gets nullified. As to loneliness that ones been tough. The girls I attract and who are attracted to me… well, theres always lotsa friction. A larger part of me would like to obstain from the game altogether. So I try, get fukt, promise never to do it again, then starve, then crumple, then start all over again… its a rough ride each time. Loneliness is probably preferable at this point
((((HUGS)))) so the next question (and I asked Patrick this at one point too..haha).. Why are you attracting what you are attracting? Loneliness sucks, for sure. Also.. why must you stay competitive with your artwork? Why not just do it because it’s enjoyable? often when we let go of the “have to” what we were looking for in the first place shows up. (again speaking to myself as well)
As to who I’m attracting, its people similar to my mindset. I’m nigh positive like minds attract. Evidently, people who think like me are free spirits who want to minimize obligations. Soon as the rough practicalities of relationship maintenence arrive, we dream dreams of freedom. Eventually, for better or worse, we follow through on those dreams. The artwork: I have to stay competitve because the market is so competitive. As soon I get lazy, there are 100 hungry artists there to take my place… of all the things in life to “earn”, I guess art is the chore I sacrifice for. As to “have to’s” this is a tough one. Even if the art thing i pursue fails, the side benefits make it a worthwhile endeavor. For instance, knowing that im working hard and honestly is a huge boost to confidence. Which improves mindset and quality of life. The sense of purpose feels really good too. In summary: doing art, if I succeed or fail, makes me a better person
Right… so whether you stay competitive (try to make money at it) …… doing it because it makes you a better person is a good thing….