I enjoyed night shift. The autonomy it afforded me was appreciated. No managers to nitpick me to death. All the people I needed to worry about were my patients and my nurses. And because we’re all close, I can tell when my efforts are making a difference.
It was nice.
I’ve made that change to Day shift now. More work, less pay are the first things I used to look at. However, when I tweak my perspective I find more. Better sleep, I can be awake when everyone else is. So more social opportunities, making appointments and prepping shows, I’m grateful. Shit, I forgot how something as simple as the sun could be a blessing.
I got caught up in the avoidant scope of things that I sacrificed some good things to stay away from hazards that, in retrospect, were very minor. Obstacles that when I stopped confronting them made me flabby.
Thankfully, my perspective is a lot more balanced now. Years of slitting my wrists trying too hard followed by years of simply giving up and not trying at all have shown me that the answers aren’t in either extreme. There’s a middle ground. A compromise. And, wouldn’t you know it, a comfortable happiness to be found there.
I’ve spent a lot of time and effort shadow boxing imaginary demons. I’m feeling both more seasoned and humbled for doing so. I suppose everyone goes through their battles. They get their chances to earn whoever they are. I hope everyone also gets a chance to stand back from the fight for just a moment to catch their breath and appreciate their earnings. And eventually, find themselves a comfortable compromise.