Day 4

I almost missed writing this. Not the best of signs. Especially considering I nearly missed it because of falling into bad habits. Or old habits. Whichever.

Happy Halloween. No kids came trick or treating again this year. I ate the bag of candy myself. left me sick. I’m still sick. Also ran out of coffee yesterday. So I got that going for me today as I try my darnedest to wake the fuck up. I’ll be sure to notify you when I do.

My buddy and I played video games into the night, last night. He’s a good friend, so even if the video games are damning and my bane, it was worth it. I really need to allot more time to him. My brother too for that matter.

I blink as I look at the post just a few days old with pie in the sky ambitions. Grandiose, lofty goals . . . story of my life. I was fueled by a few things upon making those claims. Feeling rejected by my girlfriend is one, feeling pitied by my brother would be the other. Both have been telling me I need some direction in my life. To their credit, they’re both right. I have been wandering a bit much a bit long.

But when the sting of disappointing them no longer throbs, the motivations seems to wane, too. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not giving up. Just condemning myself to this. I need something to commit to. Some god damned way to give back. With my limited resources, traits, and what-have-you’s, this is what I got. It ain’t much, but this is what I got.

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