Finding Heart

I still write here. If you come here to read something and there’s nothing new, it’s because I kept the post private. If it’ me me spewing vitriol or groaning on and on, you can bet I keep that junk private. Of course, there is something to say about stability and more stable is what I am striving for. So even if I do rant and rave in a private forum, I will make a great effort to come here and scribble down a blurb.

I’m missing my heart. The will and want to do things just isn’t there. And like I’ve bemoaned in earlier posts, this isn’t the first time. It’s been going on for years. Each time I’ve floundered to find it. Keeping the status quo is even a chore. I am thankful I am still doing my work and doing it well. I take a weird satisfaction in the fact that despite my instincts to call in and take some days off to myself, I did muster the discipline to go to work. To adhere to my responsibilities. Even shakily,

Enough of that, I’m trying very hard not to get dark here and to write this all with an even hand.

I guess the point of this post is me recommitting to myself that I will write something public each day. Even if it sucks. I’ll let a future me and any readers judge me as they will. If I can arrive at an eight hour a day job and not call in, I think I can muster turning on the computer and play Eeyore for a while. At least until Tigger or Piglet shows up.

2 Comments on “Finding Heart

  1. Do you take anything for your depression? Vitamins or anti-depressants? Give me a holler if you want to flesh it out a little bit. BTDT…. Hang in there.

    • It is something I should look into. To be honest, I am hesitant to get on anti-depressants. Myriad reasons are there. Then again, they can’t be as damaging as the actual depression, can they?

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