I know no one but the web bots and my conscience noticed, but I failed to post on Friday. Late into the third week of school and I am or was flustered. Feeling overwhelmed and scattered, I do what I do in those situations and I start to peel off the superfluous tasks so as to focus on the core. In retrospect, I really didn’t need to skip or skimp on writing this, I had the time and the smarts. It was the wits that weren’t about me, thusly, my performance suffered.
So merrily, we skip into this week. Maybe not so much “merrily”, how about “dutifully”? Just got home from school and grocery shopping. I don’t want to say things are bad, because they’re not. But my schedule is uncertain and I haven’t budgeted time well enough to get all tasks done. I’m exaggerating a bit, but when I feel guilty for taking an hour to grocery shop the another hour for exercise for fear of those indulgences eating into my homework time. It means I’m worried about time management.
Stress levels are higher than normal, so I have that to get used to, as well. Once I’m adjusted, fuck, then it’s all a breeze. Until then a lot of my time is looking to learn enough to know what I’m doing and to have my short-hands in place so when I do it, I look good. I’m in that phase of adjustment period where there’s just too much uncertainty. About the in’s, out’s, benefits, and costs. I chuckle as I add to the list: fail to apply the appropriate significance. That’s still being measured, too.
And here I write, well humbled and honest before the challenges. I’m not shrinking from them, mind you, just trembling oh so slightly. One thing I do notice as I go about meeting my own obstacles, it does give me a better picture of how others wrestle with their own issues. A more sympathetic one. These pressures and uncertainties make fools out of us all. Be it in the form of underestimation or over estimation of the self or the problem, we all get our chances to get it wrong.