Twas about mid December when I threw up my hands and conceded the books would not be done in time for Christmas. What’s the hold up? Covers. And not just any covers but the perfect covers . . . sigh
You know, it’s really just a handful of hours. A completely viable cover could have been created, those books could have been submitted, and they could have been available now. Alas, a glitch, admittedly in my inner workings, won’t allow “could have” to be so easy.
The whole process has been this way. Things go smoothly, then, for reasons beyond me, I lose interest or I string myself out or I get distracted or what have you. Next there is a delay, then there is me trying to rationalize my behavior, then there is me attempting to adjust accordingly, then expecting triumph, then being disappointment, then rinse and repeat.
It is all quite frustrating. The worst realization is: If one zooms out, they will find this pattern not only in the books but throughout my life.
Let us then segue into sunnier things which, confessed with a heartfelt warmth, is that life.
This past year has been a spectacular one for me. Especially when considering how dark the previous ones were. A renewed appreciation for art, the hope in carving a niche for that art. Improved efforts in self care from the basics of eating right and exercising regularly all the way up to improved existential satisfaction. I have a stable job with superb coworkers. For the first time, financial stability. A career with a bright future. A loving supportive girlfriend. A roof over my head, water to drink, food to eat, and, my favorite, a less cynical outlook on life.
Yes, you can read the grumblings and maybe feel the ire in this entry’s opening statements but, if you look at it as a whole, that is an artistic process. It’s my artistic process. If I don’t let that river run its course, then art becomes paralyzingly painful as I drown trying to control it. Simplified: The price of admission for the benefits of artistic expression is enduring art’s frustrations.
One can find a whole lot of relief in acceptance. That acceptance affords a person more time and energy to develope other skills. Skills like wisdom. Armed with a more inclusive view of the world, the “negative” is a whole lot less negative.
The past is savored, the present celebrated, the future welcomed; happy New Year.