Is this Where I Come to Write?
Yes, this is where I come to write. Almost daily now for around an hour. Other projects, more… Man, I don’t give myself credit for the work I put in.
I’m really really really not feeling like I’m putting enough time into my own projects. When the free time is there, I’m a hungry mofo. When responsibilities demand my time, I’m resentful. I’m betting it’s other issues that have me down. But this is what I’m feeling. Sad and whooped. The fight for life balance is tough and as soon as things begin to tip, yeesh!
I’m trying. The struggle is real. I know we all get our things. Our fights. I guess I got me my dose of anxiety/ depression to work past. What’s especially vexing is when I do everything right? Meditate, exercise, eat clean, sleep well and responsibly, basically strain to get it all right and avoid depression, and it still hits, still bites. Brings me down low.
Meanwhile, in my ups, I do everything wrong. Eat the garbage, drink the booze, neglect sleep, be lazy as fuck and despite it all, I’m great with myself and my place in the world. In fact, I am so awesome feeling, I want to try all the things and master all the skills!
Essentially, whatever side of the divide my mood is on, I can’t trust my instincts… Shit.
Life long experience, trials and errors, good mood or foul, the fundamentals of exercise, eating well, and respecting sleep are huge. Keeping to those habits lends a stability to my life I otherwise wouldn’t have. It pulls me past those mindsets that would have me give up, and stays my hand when there’s a desire to adventure too hard.
For that, I’m thankful and even more motivated to stay the course. These rain clouds will pass and when the sun hits, I’ll be ready to absorb the warmth.