You know, that could be interpreted a couple of ways. In this instance, I’m gonna go with trying to fight off them nagging doubts. Those’ll be the downfall of us all, I swear.

Theres a ton of shit going on in the world. This virus business has everything shut down. The economic aftermath will still need to be contended with. Small businesses are doing emergency slimming down. Even more are shutting down. As for me, I’m over here trying to be a start up…

God dammit.

Sigh, I havent given up yet. Still signing on for the life long struggle. But, between you and me, getting anxious. Sometimes the motivation is gone. Sometimes the discipline. Waiting for the time when those nervous worries subside. And it seems as though every little problem has a larger gravitational effect.

That’s just a jittery mind magnifying things. I conceptually know this, one day I’ll emotionally know, too. Or not, who knows.

On the up side of things. Feels like the skills are improving. Not nearly fast enough, though. You can tell a hefty difference between this month versus the last three. I’m still struggling with some other life details, too. Checking in on mom and grandma, cleaning the house, keeping the poor girl dating me happy. This kinda things need attention.

Some of the skills to relearn are reading and catering to an audience. My sensibilities of which art piece is successful versus what art actually does succeed is way off. I’m sloppy in execution and effect and subject matter. Not scarily far off, but enough so to know what things I need to practice. Depending on my work ethic, its gonna be another, six months to get up to speed. In my defense, I’m working on several skills. Writing here, poems, drawing, painting, advertising, audience interaction, I got my work cut out for me.

All of this is gonna take a while.