Like I Don’t Have Enough…

Commission: Half-Chi

That there is a commission for a friend. A giant painting for a teensy dog. It’s adorable.

Not sure why but the post for May 6 didn’t happen. It was scheduled. Didn’t post, and I missed it. Embarassing and worrying. Will try harder.

Today I’m in a so-so mood. Honest to God, I’m doing all I can to be up. Exercise is on point, eating… some cheating, and sleep, my Fitbit says it’s ok. Meditation a little wonky. Yeah none of it is perfect, it never is. It sucks knowing that if I slip, just a little bit, I turn into a lump. And, when I do do meditation or exercise or art, I feel worlds better after. Worlds better! Why is it such a fight in the first place?

All that gross out venting out there, I’m still here. I’m still showing up. Art, poetry, work among it all. My frowny face is my be worn but I’m present. I honestly can’t tell which is worse showing up frowny or disappearing and taking the time to heal up. Both options are to detrimental. I guess its me trying to mitigate the worst of things.

Which brings us back around to cutesy poems and art for kids and families. I get that what I make is a little on the sugary side. I’m pretty sure that’s me compensating for the dower times. Gotta project something out besides negative. That’s a strong aim. Especially when the feels ain’t there.

Then again, maybe thats the strength of it. Knowing how to shoot a smile past the depressive defenses and, even if it’s short lived, give myself or someone else a little light.

Ruminating on the perspective does make me feel better.

2 Comments on “Like I Don’t Have Enough…

  1. My dear, my dear, don’t be so hard on yourself. You are your worst critic. You are human. You are allowed to be human. One day at a time, one step at a time. You do show up! That is what counts. 🙂 Have a merry day!

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