Mamby Ramblings

This will be attempt number four at this blog this morning. The previous three drafts, too dark. Just too god damned melodramatic. I am not feeling down, or, at least, THAT down. I’m not for want to feed that mindset. Add to that it feels grossly inappropriate to come here and air that mood. And disgusting for me to exacerbate it. So let’s bang out the particulars, and dodge the BS.

Painting is happening as soon as this blog post is over. I’m setting an arbitrary goal of getting this painting done and shown by Sunday. Why? For two reasons. First, when the the deadline is nebulous, it becomes too seductive to put things off. I’m not about to allow myself or condition myself to procrastinate. I already dislike the procrastinating I do, let alone doing more of it. Second, I am aiming to cultivate a productive artist. An honest and respectable work ethic. Yeah, I work a regular forty hours a week, I put another 20-30 on top of that painting, but . . . Well, now that I look at it, that’s pretty respectable. I was angling to feed this self image that I’m too lazy. That there, doesn’t jive with the insecurity. The insecurity where, I’m not successful because I’m not working hard enough . . .

Or maybe, just maybe, I need to relax and stop being so hard on myself.

Ok, I’m resolute on not writing this post for a sixth time. I’m following through on trying to get this painting done and shown on Sunday. In that vein, I need to get started on it now. No more writing, time to shut up and put up.

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