It’s been a few weeks since last I’ve posted, hasn’t it? What has happened in that time? Well, I was deathly ill with something I can only guess was the flu. Fever, chills, aches, and the scariest, disorientation, I recall the bad decisions I made and a ghostly recollection of the poisoned logic. I also recall some of the more painful hours and the dangerous thoughts therein. I’m still shaken by the ordeal.
I managed to hurt someone who loved me. I wonder what my deal was or is. I still don’t know. Boiled down, she didn’t deserve it, I am not sure if I meant it, I’m unsure if redemption is an option. Rest assured that my mind will go over it all again and again and again in an attempt to figure out where it all went wrong.
Work is fine. I’m established now. People know me and they know I’m reliable. I’m a good worker and, despite some social awkwardness, get along well with my coworkers. I’ve no resentments and find a spiritual value to the challenges posed.
I’ve been very careful about tending to my health. While I’m at work, I’ve been running stairs like no one’s business; while at home, I have a workout station I use liberally. My eating habits are vastly improved, no fast food, no liquor, lots of fruits and veggies in home cooked meals. I’ve taken up meditation in an effort to nullify stress and to manage awareness. I feel like a monk, and that feels just fine. More than fine, good; it feels really good.
The week long bought with illness has left a discernible hiccup in my life. The current focus is to secure a routine. To make amends with not just the girlfriend but a few others who need attention. Mostly social preening.
And way down here on the priority list is art things. I have a website to update, preparations to make on releasing of books. I have poems to practice and artworks to finish. I have social networkings to reheat and maintain. In a nutshell, I have plenty to do. And I will do them, just in time. I get impatient and, at times, overwhelmed and I imagine myself disappointing any poor audience member who dares to keep tabs on my inconsistent butt . . . Then I take a breath and think again, I’m such a small part of anyone’s world that any attention lent to me I’m lucky to have. I really do hope to make it worth their while.