My presence here is abrupt. My presence here on WordPress, I mean. I suspect my girlfriend and I are at an end. I say “suspect” because with us, it’s just never certain. That’s the grind.
I hurt her yesterday. Inadvertently. Deeply. Couple days earlier, she hurt me. Now, I’m putting some distance between us. She can breathe and think. I, my job in this is to look for some direction and purpose in my life. “Direction” is the big buzz word there. “Purpose” helps to give it weight.
Last night saw me having issues sleeping. Thinking about what the fuck to do with myself. The last time I was doing something with myself was Art. I’m not going to test your patience with the topic. Believe me, I can. Let’s just say Art and I are like a long term marriage where both participants need to take a break. We’re on that break.
We’ve been on that break for almost two years now. In that time, I’ve been adrift. Finances are 0. Career: menial. Social life: antisocial. My past year has been especially abstract. Goals have been severely limited, accomplishments more so. I’ve no pride, I’ve no peace, and happiness has been squandered too. Woe is me.
Back to last night and the nagging question of “What am I to do?” How do I demonstrate a personal or professional accomplishment to the world? To anyone, really.
Don’t know. Something significant.
No, by no means is any of this significant. Yet. The plan is to grow. Write a novel here on the internet. Keep it free. Accessible. Blog daily, get a small audience, let people know me and who I am. Introduce them to the novel I have yet to start. I have no plot, no characters, no ideas, and questionable writing talent. Still, here I go.