Yeah, second post in a day. Pretty crazy, right? I’m a special kind of nuts. Or just nuts. Or just special.
I’m trying to augment my behavior. My life right now consists of mindlessly surfing the internet, occasionally going out to help out grandma, and abating boredom. You see, I have too much free time on my hands. No job, no social life, and no real prospects. I’m working to change two of those. The jobs and prospects part. Writing this here blog, this is the prospects part. Looking for work I have been doing diligently for the past week. In case you’re wondering, looking for work is the jobs part. So with jobs searched and the future there still barren, I turn here. At least I can control how much and how well I do at this.
I am not allowing myself the empty calories I usually indulge myself in when on the computer. Limited flash games, news, and trivial surfing. Consider this a cyber diet. I’ve done these before and all with the grace of a poor girl suffering from bulimia. The binges are gross; the purges worse. Is this purge mode? Not sure. Comforted by that uncertainty, too. I’ll just do the best I can with what I have.
So the longer plan thus far is just to do these two things, write and jobs, every week day for an extended period. When I get a job, undoubtedly things will change in that regard. Writing. I’ll just have to keep plugging away at that. I’ll look for something significant for myself in there. Something I can redirect others to when they wonder who and what the fuck I’m about.
My presence here is abrupt. My presence here on WordPress, I mean. I suspect my girlfriend and I are at an end. I say “suspect” because with us, it’s just never certain. That’s the grind.
I hurt her yesterday. Inadvertently. Deeply. Couple days earlier, she hurt me. Now, I’m putting some distance between us. She can breathe and think. I, my job in this is to look for some direction and purpose in my life. “Direction” is the big buzz word there. “Purpose” helps to give it weight.
Last night saw me having issues sleeping. Thinking about what the fuck to do with myself. The last time I was doing something with myself was Art. I’m not going to test your patience with the topic. Believe me, I can. Let’s just say Art and I are like a long term marriage where both participants need to take a break. We’re on that break.
We’ve been on that break for almost two years now. In that time, I’ve been adrift. Finances are 0. Career: menial. Social life: antisocial. My past year has been especially abstract. Goals have been severely limited, accomplishments more so. I’ve no pride, I’ve no peace, and happiness has been squandered too. Woe is me.
Back to last night and the nagging question of “What am I to do?” How do I demonstrate a personal or professional accomplishment to the world? To anyone, really.
Don’t know. Something significant.
No, by no means is any of this significant. Yet. The plan is to grow. Write a novel here on the internet. Keep it free. Accessible. Blog daily, get a small audience, let people know me and who I am. Introduce them to the novel I have yet to start. I have no plot, no characters, no ideas, and questionable writing talent. Still, here I go.
No, it’s not my first blog post. Google my name, you’ll find residue about me nigh everywhere. It’s just my first blog post here. On wordpress.
I’ve been an internet addict all my life. You can include video games in there too. I’ve been and internet and video game addict all my life. Lots of stuff about me throughout the years of being on the net. Failed business ventures along with personal ones. Successes? Not so much . . .
And that’s when the voice of my girlfriend chimes in and tells me not to be mean to myself. I’m mean to myself, by the way. I’m plenty deserving, too. People who love me beg to differ. Both of them. Be that as it may, I owe it to them for suffering me the way they do. That’ll explain the jabs at self as having a limp wristed quality about them.
On to things. This here is my first post in a new blog. What to I propose to do with it? Mostly whine. Pontificate. Wrestle with life. All the common things associated with blogging. Have little doubt, it’ll be mostly about me. I’m very self involved. I am not at all deserving the attention, nor am I of any interest. But, hey, my insanity needs an outlet. At least, that’s what my therapist tells me.
So, here I am. I do have other reasons for being here I’ll bore you with the details as we go.