I’m dithering.

Since Christmas I’ve been wanting to rev up this old hobby and just be me. And just recently, I finally caved and did just that. Revved up all this business. But guess who’s a ‘fraidy cat? ME. Twenty some-odd years of failing at this . . . whatever you wanna call it (Higher purpose, maybe?). And I’m guessing, sensing, this here is the only place I’m gonna find my salvation. The one place where I can point people to and say, “See? Look what I can do!”

Lofty worrying brushed aside to focus onto reality. I had a very nice dinner with a close friend. And walked away from it feeling nourished in body and soul. She told me about her miseries, yes. And I shared mine. But I think we were happiest in sharing. Its not often we get company to divulge all our insecurities to. It sure is nice to have that certain someone to share moments with and to be rejuvenated with the residual validation.

She’s off to chase career opportunities and train for a marathon. In comparison I got . . . Well, I ripped the sink out of a bathroom. I’ve just finished demoing and reinstalling plumbing in the kitchen and bathroom. I’ve left the low-level gig I’ve been at for almost a decade now. I’ve started all this arts and crafts stuff. Again. My shit feels pretty lowly.

Even so, I earnestly feel like things look bright for the both of us. We’re both uncertain about the uncertain, but we’re exploring better opportunities. The worst that can happen is we backslide into where we are now. Nothing ventured, nothing gained; here we are venturing and gaining. We’re doing well for ourselves.