Sides of Divides
Laptop on twenty one percent battery. Left the charger at home. Let’s see if I can write this in time.
Wild fires are choking the atmosphere with smoke. During the night times AQI’s reaching 350-390 for extended durations, which, for the uninitiated, is pretty goddamned toxic. Sleeps been tough, you can feel your lungs itching and your eyes burning and, given time, vice versa. String together another or two restless nights more and I’ll leave town for a weekend getaway. Literally for the fresh air. Plop in some podunk hotel out in the middle of nowhere, catch up on sleep, and try to regain some health.
Third week of school. I’m finding more and more of a groove as time goes on. Know a little more about what I’m doing, where I’m going, and what to expect. Such comforts are so reassuring. I can see why, once I build my ruts, it’s so hard to venture out. I have friends who live for the times outside their comfort zones, enlivened by the new stimulus. I admire them. Mostly, because I am their opposite. Me, my new stimulus comes in the form of a new movie, book, or game. If things get too uncomfortable or wild, I can put my stimuli right back down again and be at home. Safe.
Anyway, school. I find I am already educated. When it comes to learning, I’m self sufficient as fuck. How many interests has my ADHD mind chased over the years? Learned, forgotten, then relearned. Too many to count. I’m finding the material is not the hardest part of the academic learning process. It’s the customer service. What I mean by this is: learning what the teacher wants, and learning the material at their pace. Which, all in all, is fine. I get the pragmatism. Being beholden to such an environment is, for lack of a better word, “jank”. Or, more formal “foreign”. I suppose it’s fitting. In a work environment, when one hasn’t demonstrated autonomy and thereby left to it, working with a boss is similar.
Which, will likely be my future, all things confessed. Working under a boss with a team towards some unifying goal. My years since high school have been me putting my autonomy and independence above all, career, relationships, even dreams. I can’t say I regret any of it, though, after a couple of beers, you’ll hear me overdramatically whinge and moan enough. No, in reality I meet plenty of friends my age on the opposite side of the divide who, over their years gave too much of themselves to their projects. In conversing with those friends, I gain an appreciation for their side of the divide as well as my own. I like to think that in those conversations both parties see the errs and wisdom of the other. Both gravitate to a middle ground where the best of both worlds overlap.