Yeah, so, last few days finds me pudge-belly deep in gaming. Sigh. Not thrilled about it. Yesterday I’m reveling in the wonder of feeling really, like, genuinely happy. Today the euphoria is slightly, greatly dulled. I know for a fact that any elation is a fleeting thing. Especially in this matter. Further, the longer I keep up the bad habit the more miserable I get. Been though this cycle thousands of times. Got a few more hundred to go, yet.
All is not lost, at least, there’s still a candle light’s worth of hope. Hope to drudge myself out of from this slump and pull myself back to center. Center being where I find my dignity, pride, and salvation. Over here, wherever “here” is, I find my relief valve. Release valve. Some kind of valve. The function being: when stresses build up, go here for a responsible outlet. Responsible used with a sweeping eye roll.
Could be worse. Could be meth, sex, food, smokes, booze, you name it. What ever addictions us humans are capable of having, I guess it could be any of those. Family tree is liberally punctuated with consuming vices. Mine, just boring ol’ games. Which keeps me out of trouble. Unfortunately more sedentary than I’d like. And eats up a lot of time. Pretty solitary.
Mood-wise, I’m even about the topic. As I jot up this wee post, I feel meh. Yesterday I marveled about how good the high felt, but like I said, fleeting. Today and days going forward is a downward trend. is where I practice enormous amounts of will power and, with trembling hands, put down the bad habit and reach reluctantly for better.
I have a longer goal in mind. That goal allows me to look up with strained eyes from the from the troubles of the here-and-now towards a horizon. That candle light I mentioned earlier, tis yonder. I swear, if I squint just right, I can see it plain as day.