Oh, it’s the Halloween season. And I’m plenty scared. Ghouls, ghosts, and gore are the least of my worries, though. Got some unresolved problems gnawing at me. They haunt me like the graveyard at midnight.
So, nevermind the obscene amounts of homework and studying I have to do. And for all that work I am barely, barely keeping up with things. How about always guessing wrong, if I am indeed caught up or not? Can I really sit down and enjoy a movie, or was there something I missed? Did I study hard enough? What obscure detail will bite me when I least suspect it? That’s kinda scary, right?
Or how about I get overly concerned about a test and allocate a bunch of time to study for it. Test comes, I ace it. Cool. Partly because I prepared, the other part, the test was suspiciously kind. I got two attempts at each question with no ding for failed first attempts. Ok, I can roll with that. I’ll attune myself accordingly. How is this at all spooky? Lets keep going.
Separate class schedules a test about a week after. Said test is granted with the aid of a 8’x11′ paper’s worth of notes front and back. Even better! Craft a good page and I’m all set, right? I did just that, crafted a good page of reference material. Confident. Come test time, none, and I mean none, of what I put on study page is of any help. Panic and choke. I expect my grade will come back 25 points out of 100. And I fear that’s if I’m lucky. The impact on my semester grade, terrifying!
It’s all confusing. It’s not like I haven’t been keeping up with the material. Homework assignments, are challenging but I’m getting them done on time. Each class seems to have it’s own level of forgiveness when it comes to mistakes. The one I just failed the test in, probably my favorite class, the communication is stark and the grading is cut-throat. So, yeah, I guess I’m still learning the material and still learning how to be a student. I hope all this stress and challenge is good for me, you know, soul wise. I certainly feel humbled, which is good, keeps me honest. But it feels so helpless to be at the mercy of the powers that be.