Stutter Step


I can’t tell how much effort is to too much. The hazard there is burnout. I can’t tell how much is too little. The hazard being laziness. So I’m milling around somewhere in between. If I hazard a guess, it’s somewhere towards the lazy end of the spectrum. Of course, I’m known to be a cruel taskmaster to myself. Never enough never good enough. But when I pull my head out of my ass, I remember to keep things level.

Progress is still being made but there is a part of me that screams better, faster harder, more! I hate that part. I betcha it’s the neurotic part. That part is a mean sonofabitch.

Even after all that mental horseshit. Things are plugging along. The book as it is now, book 3 of illustrations and poems, is finished in a whole bunch of aspects. Those big pieces are gonna keep me busy, though. Estimates have me working on these for the rest of the year. But those estimates are real hard to measure.

Speaking of things I don’t know. Shows in the fall, will any be open? This covid stuff has been mean to everyone. Peering into a crystal ball and trying to read the future feels like folly. Who wants to recklessly wager a couple grand they cant afford on a show with low to no people. People who have already been hit hard financially by this whole thing.

I’m gonna sigh up anyhow. At least I can say I’m trying. San Fransisco in late September, Portland early November. A couple of smaller publisher showcases. More about that later.

So I guess until all this dithering settles, I’m best to focus on the things at hand. Book stuff in particular. I’ve got large paintings to fret over. Business stuff to attend to. A hard drive crash has robbed me of subject matter, thats a bother. A whole bunch of wriggly-piggly life tasks to wrestle with.And to top it all off, I’m pondering making a couple of smaller simpler books.

So the plate is full and ever filling.

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