That is to say, I’m taking the day off. I’m skipping classes and responsibilities. Well, kinda. The time off will be spent doing homework, studying, and earning free time for the future. But the time off is on my terms which is a luxury most people don’t fully appreciate. There is a lot of peace in autonomy. Freedom, too.

What are we? We’re about mid semester. I have burly tests over the next three weeks. In all my classes I feel behind. I don’t compare myself to the rest of the students, just my comfort with the material. I’m one of those who wants to have it all mastered before feeling “comfortable”, so that’ll never happen. Also, in the larger scheme, a large percentage of what is taught will be forgotten. As new classes, new rules, new hoops, and new routines come and go, it’ll be what serves me in my day to day that is really worth retaining.

Sure, if I pan handled for the virtues in my actions like some 1800’s mountain man pans for gold, I’d always find gold in the riverbeds I traverse. We can all gas light ourselves into seeing the best or worst of any ole situation. I suppose the guiding light in any of those situations is our heart and wants. Basically, our emotions are what motivate and our conscience is how we navigate. My heart and wants, carefree autonomy.

High and pearly metaphors as I attempt to make sense of things.

A little more grounded, the logic goes thus: I have capitol and hoarding it is wasteful. For this particular scenario. My grades are fine in all my classes. I’m aiming for B’s and I’m holding A’s. I can afford to let a couple of those grades sink. I’m buying peace of mind and freedom at a price but I can afford. I think I’m in a good head space when I say I know what I’m buying, I know the cost, and I know I’d better appreciate it.