The Days After
This post finds me on the days after. Hedonism was committed but a few days hence. Sober days thus far are four. This morning finds me in good spirits. Normally, I would resent my responsibilities for taking me away from my sources of instant gratification. Not so today. In fact, the opposite; I’m enjoying the fruits of being responsible. So here I write a little diddy, display my prowess, and appreciate this oddity in my character. Diligently practicing and fortifying the good habits so that when I do go on my little dopamine excursions, I have a safe place to land and a reminder that I have worth.
As a fellow who chases instant gratification, I do notice how small my life is. Well shit, on the grand scale, we’re all small, right? I think what I’m referring to here is material components to my life. Minimal like a monk. Very minimal. My shanty is small, all measured, my living space is about 600 square feet. And its enough. I just finished purging and shredding a closet’s worth of mementos and quasi important papers, which gives me even less material baggage to carry. I own what I have. And go to great lengths to ensure I don’t feel owned by what I have. My life is modest and content.
Which can conflict with what society deems as successful. More often that not, because I am not displaying excess, I am defending my lifestyle from those who judge at first blush. My case feels solid enough to me, but as I explain, a healthy portion of the people I try to enlighten give skeptical nods. That skepticism reflected back at me. I can’t help but to reevaluate my position and values. Am I getting it right? It sure feels right. Can I help them understand? I try, mixed results depending on mixed people.
Which is fine in the grand scheme of things. We all need to measure the worth of what we dedicate our time and efforts to. Such checks enforce the importance and significance of whatever practice propels us through and makes living worthwhile.
Which brings me round back to what I have versus what I’d like to grow towards. So, the portion of my time chasing instant gratification, I’d like to trade some of that to help future proof my life. In other words, spend a little less time milling about and a little more time working towards something grander. What is that “something bigger”, for now it looks to be financial independence and doubling down for more autonomy. Loftily speaking, a little more money, a little more freedom, and a little more legacy building. All of which will come from more work. Which I can do. especially when that work is worthwhile.