Twilly Dee

Were I to guess the recipe for success the first part would be to know they self. Second part would go something like know they world. Third part: orient the two accordingly. Me, I’m pretty sure I get lost somewhere in navigating that third part.

I’m pretty self aware. At my age with all the life lessons, it’s really hard not to be.┬áThe world really isn’t much harder to figure out. I think I figured that out first. Negotiating the two? Oh, my! Finding the compromises between the self and world is an ordeal. And constantly needing to be reestablished. Then gauging how to improve efficacy, efficiency, or even if it’s worth while. Fuck. Sometimes I struggle. And the never ending feedback loop is torture.

How I picture the perfect me would be? In this world? That’s a vision that’s changed a lot over the years. Now? Fuck if I know. The running theme throughout them all has been independence. Where I’m not reliant upon or beholden to anyone or anything. Which is a cute theme but, at times, can get cripplingly lonely or empty. Overall, tough.

That’s all of us, isn’t it? Living through our choices. Enjoying what we chose to see and suffering through what we didn’t. Which, I guess, is how wisdom is tempered. Learning the real values of pleasures and the hidden costs behind them. And truly appreciating those those little freebies life tosses our way once and again.

3 Comments on “Twilly Dee

  1. I think your last paragraph really speaks truth. As I approach good ole 45… I have roughly another 50yrs of life, judging by the women in my lineage. What am I going to do with it? When I start to think about how much of life has gone by and what I haven’t done…it helps to remember that I have a lot more time theoretically. LOL Now if only I had the energy of my 20yr self….sigh. Focusing on maintaining and improving health becomes a thing.

    • Its a tough question, Huh? Any ideas?

      Feels like at our age, we have the fundamentals down. For me, at least, I’m just rounding back to do what I didn’t get done in the first run of life

  2. It is a tough question. Like at 45 I am more comfortable than 25. I settle for less. I think my goals are still similar. I am not terribly goal oriented so… At 25 they would have looked like “raising good kids etc”… check done that. now what? Live more sustainable and at peace with nature. Minimize, need less, love more, be at peace. Stay out of debt. Create. whether that be art, gardens, medicines, etc. I hate working a 40 hr a wk job. I have better things to do with my time…. but bills dictate that for now it is necessary. So I am working toward minimizing my out go so that income goes longer. It will allow me to have more freedom with my time and be able to create the things that ar e important to me. Working on me is a daily thing as well. Who am I? what do I want to be when I grow up? lol What is important to me? How do I get there? rambling…….

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