Started this morning off with a disturbing dream. I laid some carpet for my best friend’s family. Nothing huge a small section. I did this as a favor. More to gain favor. Inexperience led to the job being sub par. What was initially a botched aesthetic carpet job subsequently became something that started to erode the house. Initially staples in a hardwood floor devolved int0 the fireplace tipping over, to the floor falling out when his mother walked over it. There were more steps in the process and each time my guilt and shame led to me scrambling to fix it. The end of the dream was my best friend pulling me aside and telling me that he and the family got together and decided they needed me to stop. I wasn’t allowed in or near the house anymore. And I was sent home.

Basically, it’s a dream about feeling overwhelmed. Simple as that. I don’t think I feel overwhelmed. I’m feeling more independent at work. More confident. Exhausted as fuck, but that’s only because I’m going from unemployed couch potato to thousand-mile-per-hour minimum wage worker.  I’m happy with it, though. I’m doing well. Tired is all I’m feeling. I think I need to rest, but that’s only a day or so away. Maybe it’s my brain and body just telling me to rest. Not sure why it needed to bring up the guilt and shame and panic to tell me thus. But fine. I’ll remind it’s an adjustment period.

Still, disturbing.

Like I mentioned a second ago. Work is good. The pace is perfect. I keep busy, I take care of people, I visit with them, I enjoy the people I work with, I get out of the house and feel challenged, the list goes on. Like I told my sister a second ago, I’m too busy to be neurotic. A welcomed change from the norm. Good things.

Can you believe I asked for overtime yesterday? I did. I’m scared.

Work is just about all I have right now. Not much to report other than that. I thought of something deep to write yesterday, but that was ten minutes before work though. I’ve forgotten it.

Now, I’m going to end this short thing here and be lazy for an hour or so before work again. I’ll try here again tomorrow.


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